Things to Give Up for Lent

It’s the season of giving up on your many (many many many) indulgences, so Jester has compiled a list of all the things you can give up for Lent.

1. Give up on giving up. Like, seriously, it’s really not a positive message.

2. Give up on reading Jester. Doctors have said it’s actually toxic to your health. Like really. The online issue is slowly creating brain tumors and when you pick up our magazines on Lerner ramp, you’ll actually see your skin start to wither away. Pretty crazy.

3. That person you still love who will never be into you.

4. Your hopes of a single dorm room. (That’s right, housing season has started again!)

5. Not doing your CC reading. (We all know that’s not going to happen).

6. Columbia buy sell memes.

7. Riding on the 1 train.

8. CPS.

9. The annoying mansplainer in every single one of your discussion sections.

10. Facebook stalking your dining hall crush. Sorry but it’s never. Gonna. Happen. Like, they don’t even know who you are.

11. Pretending to have your shit together. We all don’t, okay?

12. Your acne from seventh grade.

13. Your stress ball.

14. Last-minute cramming for finals. Just don’t study.

15. Butler library.

16. Ferris coffee. Nobody here is giving up real coffee.

17. Missing your dog. (AS if!)

18. Losing your pencils.

19. Problem sets.

20. Anything that has to do with President #45, ever.

By: Michelle Goff