If you picked up this magazine, chances are that you were either looking for an escape from the agonizing torture of finals, or you thought this was an actual study guide. For those of you in the former category, we have a list of study breaks around campus to help take your mind off of end-of-year stress. For those of you in the latter, you can find a study guide for the entire core curriculum online at http://www.brazzers.xxx/spring_break_2015.
LLC Cupcake Decoration- It seems pretty quaint, but only one person responded to the Facebook event, and it’s your roommate, who you hate.
Presbyterian Pancake Breakfast- You’re not Presbyterian, but you really like pancakes. And you’ve apparently forgotten that JJ’s is a thing.
Free Hot Chocolate in John Jay- Again, you can get hot chocolate in JJ’s at any time. Stop acting like this is special just because they made a Facebook page about it.
Smoke Weed with Darryl- Darryl keeps texting you and asking you if you want to smoke weed with him, which is weird because you don’t know anybody named Darryl.
College Walk Tree Lighting- Oh, you missed it? Didn’t want to wait for an hour in line just to get a free shirt that nobody’s going to wear after Christmas anyway? Sucks to be you, I guess.
Beat-a-Bear Workshop- New to BDSM? Try it on a teddy bear! Yes, this is an actual thing. We’re not going to judge you, but we can’t promise this won’t surface twenty years later when you’re running for president.
Orgo Night- Join all your friends in Butler Library for one of Columbia’s most beloved traditions! But please, could you try to keep it down? I have this paper due tomorrow and (trumpets start blaring) god dammit.
Self-Care Session- Here’s a rubber ball and a neck massage. This was definitely worth the walk to Lerner.
Sleep- Wait, this was an option the whole time? Well, at least you got your free cupcake or whatever.