How to Study


Jester Presents: How to Study

Ethan Widell

Where to Study:

In butler, of course, if you hate yourself

In bed, under the sheets, with your eyes closed, unconscious

In bed, under the sheets, with your eyes closed, with your p-set partner.

In butler, doing a similar assignment with your p-set partner.

How to Study:

Cheat: Cheating is the best form of studying both in terms of your emotional health and in impact on your GPA. Why spend sleepless nights cramming useless material into your head when you can sneak in a copy of the key equations into your exam? Of course, there is always the looming threat of failure and expulsion, but if you are a risk taker by personality, it seems like a good gamble.

Stare mindlessly at your study guide for hours and hours until suddenly, the entire semester to present makes absolute sense.

Blood Sacrifice: There’s nothing like an offering to Huitzilopochtli to work some magic. If you need some inspiration for an essay, a chicken heart will suffice, but if you’re expecting all the answers to your midterm, you might need to kill a virgin.

Some Math Problems: 

  1. If you have a Three Musketeers bar and you are given two more, how many musketeers do you have?
  1. You and a friend both get Five Guys.

A) How many guys are there between you?

B) What is the gender of your friend, and does this influence your answer to part A?

  1. You drink a Four Loko and then drink three more in rapid succession. How many lokos will you remember consuming?