A life-sized cardboard cutout of Robert E. Lee made an appearance last Saturday evening after it was invited to Columbia by CUCR last semester. It was found wandering around campus of its own volition late at night, bemoaning the fate of its beloved confederacy. With Donald Trump’s first state of the union address having taken place January 30, many have been discussing what state the union is in. In the spirit of equal time, Lee’s paper effigy felt it necessary to update us as to the state of the confederacy, and when the the seemingly haunted replica of the long-dead civil war general realized that it had spectators, it began to delve into an address of its own.
Admittedly, this is an issue that, until now, we at Jester have not put much thought into. In fact, we just figured that the state of the confederacy was Alabama, so we were intrigued to find out what those civil war rebels have been up to for the last 153 some-odd years. Unfortunately, Lee’s address was cut short when campus security confronted the potentially undead construction-paper general, finding that it was in fact only a normal, inanimate cutout taped to CUCR president Aristotle Boosalis. The Phony Lee was later joined by a paper-maché John Wilkes Booth plastered onto the face of a fox news representative. They were last seen running into the night shouting “the south will rise again!”