As any good Baby Boomer knows, Millennials are constantly destroying every reminder of the American Dream in today’s society. With the advent of Tinder, many Millennials have found a new precious gem to crush in the grips of their iron fists: the Pickup Line. Sure, dating sites can furnish good pick-up lines occasionally, but it’s so much more respectable to simply and directly solicit sex when you don’t have to look a person in the eye.
Fear not, Baby Boomers! Jester has compiled a list for our Millennial readers of
excellent, dying Pickup Lines to revive before their next romantic encounters. Since some Millennials also don’t know how to have a real, human conversation with a love (or lust) interest (LI), we’ve also compiled a list of appropriate situations in which to use these all-star lines.
Line #1: Do you mind if I walk you home? My mother always told me to follow my dreams.
When to Use: If you are already actively stalking someone*, this would be a good line to use the next time you want to pop out of the bushes and have a real conversation.
When Not to Use: After said LI files a restraining order against you.
Line #2: My love for you is like diarrhea; I just can’t hold it in.
When to Use: In a crowded club, where the LI is free to run away at the first smell of trouble.
When Not to Use: Once you already have your clothes off. (Alternatively, if your LI is already aware that you have plenty of digestive issues).
Line #3: If you were a chicken, you’d be impeccable.
When to Use: Never.
When Not to Use: Always.
Line #4: Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
When to Use: During your FroSci lecture.
When Not to Use: On a date to Jurassic Park.
*Note: Jester does not condone stalking. If we see you behind the bushes, we will force you to come to our meetings, which is equivalent to spending 2 hours in hell.
