Gonorrhea, hands down. I think it reminds me of Columbia itself, because it affects moist and wet areas of the body. The symptoms don’t show for week (just like the stress at Columbia shows up after NSOP) and the first signs in men are painful urination (hookups you regret, anyone?)
Peanuts or Pineapples. Peanuts because I love deez nuts and pineapples because that’s how I like Pizza.
Do you believe that the Marching Band should storm Butler 209?
No, fuck those wannabes. *Jk, I support their right to go in to 209, but they suck.
Describe your greatest fantasy involving Columbia University.
OOOOOOOOO. I wanted to bone someone in the stacks, in the Shapiro music room, and behind Alma Mater. And well, did I succeed…?
What would you fill Suzanne Goldberg’s office with?
Um, next question.
How many members of the Columbia Wrestling Team have called you “fish pussy”?
Precisely one has called me a “shark” who I had the pleasure of spanking on a warm April night in Morningside Park.
What do you regret not doing during your time at Columbia?
Being down to explore more things! I mean this in every way. I wish I had tried more fisting, more blowing, and less underwear.
Who do you regret not doing during your time at Columbia?