I Used to Call You on My Cell Phone

I used to… I used to…

An epistolary tragedy

Day 1

Hey Dad,

Bad news. I think my phone’s dead. I don’t know what happened. The home button and charger port just stopped working. I don’t know. When I didn’t wake up for Bio class, my water bottle was tipped over but it was still half full, so definitely all of it did not spill on my phone. It must have been something else….

Mom says it can come out of the house fund. I just don’t want to move up to a Samsung 7, obviously. Let me know how it goes.

I will probably pay for half of it out of guilt. Good parenting job.

Thanks!

Day 2

It is Day 2 Without a Phone…

I already have a catch-ily titiled playlist, “No Phone,” which I listen to on my computer, sadly secluded in my room because I DON’T HAVE A PHONE featuring such songs as produced by the notorious D. Glover and one hit from David Bowie.

I walk past my deceased phone on the way to my bed, and each time I feel a pull, as though the phone is drawing me toward it, calling out to me. Each time, I avert my gaze and journey on with only the memory of my once-constant companion to guide me on my way. .

We have to pick our housing for next. Should we need to go into a suite with one or more singles, I volunteered as financial tribute. It’s highly unlikely, but I want to apologize for this. Somewhere in the accounting department of my brain, someone fucked up. I decided that the about $1500 price difference between a single and a double was actually equivalent to about $150. I blame Ms. Weld.

But, the likelihood of the above scenario is not very likely.

Mucho love,

Day 3

All my contacts were already backed up in Google!

Day 4

WHAT IF MY CRUSH ASKS ME FOR MY PHONE NUMBER

No, no, it’ll be fine. I’ll make a joke out of it. And it’s all about the chase right? It’ll be fine.

There’s always Facebook messenger….

Day 5

Dear Mom,

I DON’T KNOWWWWWW. I haven’t been able to whine to you in 4 WHOLE DAYS and it’s getting to me. To catch you up real quick, to date, I have had 1 day of apathy, 1 day of stress, 2.5 existential crises, 1 moral downfall, doubts about my future (what’s new there), and a nasty case of jealousy.

It’s rough.

How are you?

Also, subconsciously, I think the lack of phone is reallllly taking a toll. Consciously, working without a phone isn’t that big a deal. But remember the Golden Compass? And how that crazy lady was cutting kids from their familiars. That’s me right now.

Day 6

I don’t think my crush knows I exist. I don’t have a phone and everybody knows and I feel left out. FOMO’s got me stressed out. Now he’s hangin’ with some girls I’ve never seen before. If I had a phone maybe he would call me on my cell phone.

By: Lily Whiteman

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