Jester’s 2017 Oscar Predictions

Best Picture: You can tell the Academy are missing Obama. After hosting a white-only Oscars last year, they channeled their inner BET awards, by nominating three films that center around black protagonists for best picture. Moonlight in particular holds a solid shot at capturing the prize, a movie that centers on a black gay protagonist…That’s the type of intersectionality that makes any Academy hollywoody-liberal voter wet. But this year due to new regulations, the American people also have a write in ballot that is tallied via an electoral college. This ain’t Obama’s America any more, hence I predict another shocking populist upset as Independence Day: Resurgence gets the win. Despite not getting a nomination, The shitty sequel of the film where Will Smith is in his prime and kicking ass, appeals to nationalistic and anti-immigration sentiments, as Middle-America sends another message to Hollywood elites, that they don’t want any illegal-aliens of any form in this country.

Best Actor: I’m predicting Casey Affleck takes it. He gets to talk in that high-pitch, Boston, chill, don’t-give-a-fuck tone in his role for Manchester By the Sea, so yeah, he kills it. Plus the white-working class guy down on his luck role seems to be hot at the moment. And Trump further proved that anything is possible in America, even for sexual abusers, so having a history of such shouldn’t be hindrance, unless you’re black (ask Nate Parker).

Best Actress: Meryl Streep. Just because people want to see her throw more shade at Trump. It’s like watching your cool, understanding, hippie grandma go at your racist, alcoholic uncle-in-law at Thanksgiving.

Best Director: Mel Gibson. Stop me if I sound like a broken record-player, but old orange racist are in again. After 4 years of some minority taking home the crown, Mel “The Jews are responsible for all the wars!” Gibson cements his comeback with Hacksaw Ridge.

By: Ovie Lattimore