Dispatch from the Front Lines of a Columbia Love Story


I hope this message finds you well. I am writing about your behavior in class lately.

I understand you are a first year, from Iowa, correct? And I understand that this is only your second semester in college, experimenting with new emotions and learning about these new concepts like relatable content and the like.

As I’m sure you’ve noticed, Jared is a senior on the football team. Granted, that isn’t saying much about him or our school’s track record, however, he still is a Columbia student who abides by our code of conduct. That being said, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, he has been showing up to class after practice, rather flushed in a disarray.


Taylor, Taylor, Taylor.

As much as Jared is bold and beautiful. As much as he’s sweating in that disgusting piece of a uniform. As much as he’s leaning against the wall in the corner, texting, thinking I can’t see him.

As much as he’s annoying when he answers me with “No com-prende” when I ask him to put his phone away. As much as that sweat rolling down his forehead glistens in the deep bowels of Pupin 4. As much as his muscles clench when he wakes himself up every eight minutes.

As good looking as he is when he talks to me after class, after everyone’s left, when it’s just him and– —

Taylor stay off him.


Your Spanish Teacher

By: Cat Gioino