My Addiction to Rubbish Campus Bars is Ruining my Life

Hi. My name is Henrietta and I am addicted to rubbish campus bars. I started to come to terms with my addiction earlier this year when my phone autocorrected “Mel’s” to all caps, due to the number of text messages I had sent harassing my friends into joining me at the establishment in the early hours of the weekend morns. I often insist we use “Mel’s” as a rallying cry whilst stumbling down college walk, hollering like an inebriated Lord of the Flies gang. My friends know Mel’s is killing me slowly but they also know how unhappy I would be thinking of Tony waiting in the cold, hoping to see his favorite undergrad and being left disappointed. My friends have asked me to try to explain my addiction to them but I can never find the right words. I guess I feel a sense of cyclical harmony in going to a restaurant for lunch and then returning there mere hours later to drink a 12 dollar whisky coke at the same table. The hardest time of my life was when Cannons closed and I had to leave that majestic red building for the last time. I felt like I was in the final episode of Friends where they put the keys on the table and walk out. When it was open, I bought a Canada goose jacket and would deliberately lose it just so I could post in the Columbia group to start a conversation about how great Cannons was with my peers. Now after Mel’s, at 3am every night, I can’t just leave and go home. I have to go to 1020 and invite all my friends, my sorority sisters, half my floor and some guy I met once and thought was a solid 6. Standing in the queue for 3 hours, I feel like I’m about to get on Splash Mountain… but it’s better than Splash Mountain, it’s 1020. It was even featured in a Will Ferrell movie! Some nights, I try to be adventurous, so I go to The Heights and order frozen margaritas. It makes my heart skip a beat when I see the flavour just sitting on top, clumsily thrown in by the bartender who knows we are all too intoxicated to notice the blatant lack of blending of the the raspberry syrup and the frozen slush. The other day when I was at the Heights, a girl asked me how I was enjoying my freshman year. I didn’t correct her. I’m seeing her on Monday to study for Fro Sci… Every Sunday I tell myself I’m going to change and be a better person. I say I’ll go downtown and go clubbing with my friends and be a real New York adult. But then Thursday comes and I know I’m not strong enough to just walk away. Campus bars are ruining my life but the temptation to get lit and not respect myself is just too much for me. Someday, somehow, I’ll be able to walk past those sexy glass windows and that big black burger sign and feel nothing, but until then- MEL’S?!

By: Henrietta Steventon