Prez Bo Pardons a Turkey


In a break from tradition, President Lee C. Bollinger pardoned a turkey* on Thanksgiving. Yesterday, President Trump tweeted that pardoning turkeys was a conspiracy created by the Chinese to guilt honest, hardworking Americans into turning vegetarian. President Bollinger replied that Trump’s assault on traditional American values was an affront to turkeys’ first amendment rights. Joining New York’s civil disobedience movement, he became part of a growing number of academic overlords who have decided to pardon turkeys until President Trump revokes his statement. Steve Bannon slammed the turkey pardoners and accused them of raising a turkey army to overthrow the great leader given to the United States of America by a non-Catholic Jesus.

By: Supriya Ambwani

*For the turkey’s reaction, click here.