Christmas, a holiday designed to reap in a boatload of gifts, bonuses and as much cool shit as possible is now being put in jeopardy by the integrity of Santa Claus himself.
Recently Santa took in 250 Syrian refugees, giving them cabins to live in and jobs in his workshop as the holiday season shifts into gear. Many are unhappy with the decision, saying it goes against the tradition of the holiday.
I had a chance to ask the big man himself about the controversy surrounding his decision. He told me, “There are people in need, and we have plenty of space here in the North Pole. The population is rising every year, and the workload is getting pretty crazy, I thought I’d set example of charity and kindness during the holiday season. It seems like a win-win to me”
While that might sound nice and all, many have a differing take on Mr. Claus’ hirings. I talked to multiple concerned parents about the prospects of their Christmas presents being made by refugees. Dave Gardner, 45 and a farther of three, had this to say about it: “It just seems kind of selfish on his part. Classic white- liberal-guilt endangering our children. I mean what if one of ’em slips in a bomb? All of a sudden Jack in the Box takes on a new meaning, and that’s no fun for anybody.”
This sentiment was echoed by others parents I spoke with, including Nancy Smith, a mother of two from Kansas, who had this take on the situation: “They’re not even Christian! We don’t need their toys in our homes. What would Jesus think?!” She went on to explain that Santa didn’t stop the hiring’s immediately, she would take matters into her own hands: “If he thinks he’s is just going to slide down the chimney to find some milk and cookies, he’s got another thing coming. I’ll make sure to stoke a fire that’s hotter than hell itself.”
Its not just concerned parent who are upset, it’s also the elves. I talked to Dumbus, shown in the featured image above welding a model train. He is currently the head Elf of the Santa’s Helpers Union, and we spoke about how he felt about the new residents of the North Pole. “I got enough to worry about,” said Dumbus, “Mortgage on my cabin, polar bears, blizzards… and now I have to worry about competition from a bunch of refugees. What’s next, a bunch of naughty elves from the South Pole, working in Santa’s workshop too? Give me a break!” He continued to issue a direct threat to Santa Claus: “If that fat f*** wants to keep it up, we’ll be going on strike quicker than you can say ‘pass the eggnog.’”
If having a Syrian Refugee move into your neighborhood was considered bad, it seems having them make your overly expensive holiday presents is even worse. Yet within this strife, many are coming together to show their displeasure and hate towards those with no homes, in a vibrant display of the true Christmas spirit.
By: Ovie Lattimore