The Christmas Creep

Shoppers! It’s October 31st! And that means it’s time for the Halloween candy to go on sale! And all our favorite new Holiday items are hitting the shelves! Stop by our ~Seasonal~ section to see what the latest is from Santa’s Workshop! And right outside by the elevators, little Jimmy and Sally can tell Santa what they’d like to see under the tree! Merry Shopping!

It’s festive, that’s what I usually tell them, all the pretty lights and fake snow. The nights after Halloween aren’t scary, because Santa loves you. And Santa is coming for you. Only 55 days to go. 🙂 No really– Er here comes one now. They always come up with this light in their eyes- drives me crazy. And their parents are oblivious. Over-exercised little bastards — the parents! The kids are perfect. This lil’ guy has brown hair, his mom’s still shopping… Wait, where’s he going? He’s turning —

“–Hey, hey! Kid, commeer! Hey, HEY! I’m your friend. Common, kid! Don’t be scared. Nothin’ to be scared of… Nothin’ to be… Uuurrpp. Urp….

“When I applied at the Salvation Army, well, to be honest, Tap-A-Keg wouldn’t let me in anymore, and Cannon’s closed. So, well, I couldn’t drink n dash Rite Aid… Had to afford the Bud somehow.

“I used to live in Arkansas. Then I came here. Ugh. Shit. I’m talking outloud again. Fuck….”

It’s just that they gotta understand that I love them. They have to get that. They’re so small and soft and happy. They’re so happy. All the fucking time. They are love. Santa isn’t love. Santa just needs the love. Santa needs…. Love…. I love them. I love them more than the real Santa does. I wish they could see that. But they’re jus’ kids. They donno these kinds a’ things. They think it’s like Shreck. They think Shrek is love, Shreck is life. They’re wrong, haven’t learned better.

Santa is love.

Santa is life.

I am Santa.

By: Lily Whiteman

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