The leaves are turning red, the air is getting crisp, and apple cider has appeared at farmers’ markets! Pumpkins are being carved into Donald Trump’s likeness because no one can ignore that pervasive orangeness. You know what time it is: Christmas season, and time to get shopping! More specifically, time to shop for the best Christmas Village for you.
Let’s face it: Halloween is so yesterday. Yes, it’s technically tomorrow, but we all know that once the Saturday night parties wind down, the only ones who still care about tricks and treats are children. And you’re not a child, are you? You only had Kraft mac and cheese six times this week instead of seventeen. Like a boss.
So now it’s time for everyone to get over Halloween, fast. As in, right this minute, make the maximum withdrawal out of your bank account possible and head over to the nearest Macy’s for some premium bargain buys! Macy’s takes care of all your holiday needs, from Gourmet Food & Gifts to Holiday Trends (we’re told that “Shimmer & Shine” and “Into the Woods” are the hottest vibes at the moment). They’ve even got Villages. Yes, those tiny plastic homes with their tinier plastic inhabitants that make your foyer look nice and homey are calling to you from Macy’s.
Jester has taken the liberty completely of our own volition, with no outside influence whatsoever from Macy’s, of compiling a comprehensive survey of the best Christmas Villages out there. All of them just happen to be from Macy’s. Here we go:
- Like the Dickens
When you buy the Department 56 Dickens’ Village Collection, you’re buying a quaint little English row of houses, with none of the rampant poverty or pressing social issues of Dickens’ actual writing.
- Mickey Mouse in the House
Take the cheer up ten notches with the “more than magical” Department 56 Mickey’s Christmas Village Collection, which includes the entire cast of your favorite animated vermin.
- Jolliest Man on Christmas
Yes, you CAN pretend like the North Pole is a viable, non-threatened ecosystem teeming with hot chocolate and joyful children with the Department 56 North Pole Village Collection. As they say on the website, “it’s no wonder North Pole Village is home to the jolliest man on Christmas.” That’s right: the pinnacle of human happiness is contained in this plastic facsimile of an obese elderly man. What’s that? You heard an evil laugh? You must be mistaken: evil laughs were eradicated here in Department 56 after the Insurrection of Disgruntled Elves.
This one’s for the ironically cynical folk out there. I see you: you go around telling everyone that you’re so over the fakeness and rituals of Christmas, all the consumerism is really getting you down, ya know? But deep down, you love that Christmas spirit as much as any Who down in Whoville. So to offset the act of buying something so overtly cheerful as a Christmas Village, get yourself one of these Department 56 Grinch Village Collectible Figurine Collections today!
- Peanuts Gang
Okay, I can’t even be snarky about this one. I freaking love Peanuts, and the Department 56 Peanuts Village Collection makes me happy.
By: Cary Chapman