Kate Paulson

Kate took pity on a poor magazine, curled in the corner of Lerner and looking dolefully out at the lobby full of engineers lined up for a career conference. She knelt down and with loving, outstretched hand offered a meager phone in which to input the magazine’s Venmo alias. Kate retracted her hand with only mild distaste for the melting, moldy, chocolate stains, the magazine had left on her iPhone. Kate, vision of magnanimity that she is, left the magazine’s side with an air of lightness, and air of lightness exactly equal in fact to the sum of three dollars and small change. With this lightness, she was able to float up the stairs, past the pitiable engineers (who were not nearly as light as she) and flit into Ferris for lunch.

From this anecdote we learn Kate’s three transcendent qualities:

1. Her lightness

2. Her love of lunch

3. Her gullibility when it comes to fundraisers for humor magazines

By: Lily Whiteman