On September 26, 2016, the United States of America’s two ivory shafted presidential candidates, the Real Deal Hillary Clinton and the Albino Asparagus Donald Trump, stood up before the country to reveal the one who ought to stick out on top.
The moderator, Lester Holt, wielded his manly muscle to hold the two candidates to account and help audiences decide who would stand as the next President of America. It was a long and hard process, one that was exacerbated by the post-rainfall wetness that clung to the great and indestructible Long Island of New York.
A tirade of accusations and counter-accusations flew between the two candidates. Trump threatened to drive his stake into the Middle East to drill more oil from its moist soil. Clinton decided to take a broom to police violence and castrate it in the bud. She said that she had been cranking her engine to become El Presidente, which was why she had been so busy practising for the role. Trump announced that he would shift his gear into anti-immigration mode, forcing his little brother to eject all the Muslims and Mexicans out of the country. Clinton proceeded to talk about how she would shake her magic wand over racial tensions, ending the white supremacist rhetoric about how whites are more upright than the rest of the world.
She joked about how Trump’s ‘Trumped Down Economics’ wet everyone below him because of its denial of climate change. Her opponent retorted with his ecological achievements, including taming one-eyed snakes and bald worms. Moby Dick, after all, went limp of natural causes. Rubbishing the troublemaker’s words, Clinton stood erect before the Presidential Podium and announced that she would reign in Uncle Trump to make America grow again.
The Secretary came out on top in this round. The question for the rest of us is: Will she rise to the occasion on Election Day?
By: Supriya Ambwani