New Year, New Jester: Our Mission Statement

Dear Readers,

It has been brought to our attention:

Last year, The Jester of Columbia was little more than a dick joke magazine. It was a small, limp publication, without girth or stamina. The quality of our content had grown flaccid after so much vulgar humor. Although it had started off with a good spurt, it became too hard to put out consistently. For this we cannot apologize enough, and can barely stand the shame and embarrassment.

It is therefore our mission this year to screw our energies to the sticking place and stand up to poor taste with hardened resolve. We shall thrust through the tangled bushes of vulgarity toward a softer land of purer joy. For the greater good of humor, we have delved deep within ourselves, down to the bone, through sinew and flesh. Light we found there! The light given off by the joy of a good laugh, a hearty chuckle, a joke that hits the right spot, hard. On these simple pleasures we rely as humans.

For this reason, Jester is changing. Jester is growing. And Jester is ready to show off its new self. We want to start the new year off with a bang, with the knowledge that the penis is mightier than the sword. This won’t be hard because with our new distaff members, we can fill a whole that was gaping within the organization.

Ejaculations of laughter are what buoy us through life. Laughter is the cream in our coffee. Laughter is sweet. Laughter is smooth. It can be tangy, it can be salty and cynical. Sometimes the content isn’t easy. It can be hard to swallow. But oh, how joyous! Ooh! How we! Love! TO LAUGH!!!!!

. . . . . Ahhhhhhhhhhh. . . . .  

Sincerely,

Jester’s Managing Editor

By: Lily Whiteman

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